Six Months
by panicrocksxo
Summary: It's amazing how much could change in six months. Kogan.


Walking down the sparsely populated road with his hands in his pockets, Logan doesn't feel anything. Sure, he can sense the cool breeze blowing across his cheek and he can feel the dull ache in his chest, but none of it has any effect on him. It's like a person whose had anesthesia injected into their bodies: he is aware of the elements but nothing elicits any emotion or thought from him. He is simply a lone figure on the way to meet his purpose.

It's amazing how much could change in six months. The seasons change, bringing in chilly winds and blowing away the warm, protective heat. Flowers wilt and die, the trees lose their leaves. The grass turns yellow, leaving no trace of the lush green hue. Surroundings change, while sometimes rather vaguely, the place you were yesterday is no longer the place you are now. People change, with old habits traded in for new ones and maturity replacing naïve personalities.

Logan stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the two lonely cars in the street to pass by before continuing on his way. An old pizza place, now shut down, sits at the other side of the street on the corner. He remembers this place, once bursting with life and character. It is the setting of many deeply imprinted memories that no matter what happens, Logan knows he'll never forget.

One lesson Logan has come to learn is that the best things sometimes come around spontaneously. It makes them all the more exciting. Like a firework, they rise suddenly into the dark night sky and illuminate it with a fiery explosion of color, and even after the colors are gone, you still feel the ringing in your ears and see the patterns in your head.

_Logan tapped a beat against the table with his fingers while he waited for his friends James and Carlos to come back with their food. Out of nowhere, he felt a light tap on his right shoulder. He turned and found somebody looking down at him. _

"_Hey there," the tall boy greeted with a shy smile. "I'm Kendall. May I ask your name?"_

_Surprised that somebody actually came up to him, or all people, Logan replied, "Uh, hey. My name's Logan."_

_The boy named Kendall's cheeks were tinted pink as he said, "I'm sorry if this is weird for you…. I was sitting over there," he pointed behind him, "and I saw you come in with your friends. I thought I'd take the opportunity when they left to come over and introduce myself really quick."_

"_Oh…." Logan was still utterly shocked. Why would such a good-looking guy like Kendall take the time to introduce himself to him, nerdy little Logan? It was definitely strange, but at the same time, Logan couldn't help but feel giddy. Kendall really was cute. "Well, thanks for coming over. It's nice to meet you."\_

"_Yeah, same here," Kendall answered, the tone in his voice hinting some relief. "I gotta be honest, I was kind of afraid you'd think I was some weird creeper or something. See, I just moved here so I don't really know that many people."_

"_Don't worry, I don't think you're a creeper." An idea occurred to Logan. "Well, do you wanna join me and my friends, James and Carlos? I'm sure they'd like to meet you too."_

_Kendall grinned. It was a sweet, adorable crooked smile that was like nothing Logan had ever seen. "Thanks, but I actually have to get going. Do you come here often?"_

"_Sometimes," Logan said, "It's the best pizza place in town."_

"_Ahh," Kendall said in understanding. "That's good to know. Well, then maybe I'll see you around?"_

_Logan smiled back, "Yeah, for sure."_

In a few seconds, the old dilapidated building faded into the background.

Back then, Logan was the type of guy who was not comfortable with taking chances. He preferred to keep to the background, a place that ensured safety. Peace. But Kendall Knight altered Logan completely. He brought Logan out of the shadows and into the daylight, where everything was a give or take situation, where you had to choose between running or being run over. It was terrifying, to say the least, however Logan found a good compromise. Kendall was always there with him, letting him know that he wasn't alone.

It seemed almost too good to be true.

_All around him, the club's atmosphere was exploding with energy. Nervously looking over at Kendall, Logan told him, "I don't know about this Kendall…. I feel like I don't belong here. Like nobody wants me here."_

_Kendall took hold of his hand, gripping it tightly. "Don't worry, Logan, I'm here with you. I promise, I'm not going to leave you alone."_

_Logan felt comforted by the words. He immediately felt better, not as anxious as he was before. When Kendall asked him to dance a few seconds later, he nodded, allowing Kendall to lead him to the middle of the dance floor. _

"_I don't really know how to dance," Logan admitted sheepishly. _

_Kendall smiled warmly, "You don't need to know how to dance, Logan. You just need to feel it."_

"_Feel it?"_

"_You know," Kendall put his arms on Logan's waist and not wanting to just stand there, Logan wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, "you just need to feel the beat. Feel the blood rushing through your body and let your feelings take over. Just let yourself feel what you feel, and your feet will do the rest."_

Logan did learn to come out of his shell. Its one of those inevitable things that happens when you are around somebody who radiates so much pure liveliness. Love had a strange effect on him. It made him fearless, it made him braver and more confident. He loved a silly, adorable boy named Kendall, and by some miracle, that silly, adorable boy loved him back. When something as great as that happens, you feel invincible, like you could conquer anyone and anything. That's how Logan felt.

The late afternoon sky is overcast. The sun is nowhere in sight. Logan doesn't mind, though. He had always liked days like these where everything is still and tranquil. It's a good way to forget about the days where the complete opposite takes place.

Lesson number two: hold onto the things you most want. Or else, they aren't going to stick around.

"_Get the fuck away from me!" Logan screamed, tears running down his face. "I hate you!"_

_Kendall sighed, running his hands through his hair before taking another step toward the disheveled brunette. "Logan," he began calmly, "Please just let me explain."_

"_Explain what?" Logan replied, sarcasm dripping in every syllable. "I know what I saw. Just got back to Jo and leave me alone, will you? Clearly you'd rather be with her than with me."_

"_You're wrong," Kendall shot back, taking a step toward Logan. "You think I'm flirting with everybody, when in reality I'm not." _

_Logan glared at him coldly. "So now it's my fault?"_

"_I just think it's kind of fucked up that it's always my fault whenever we fight, when you aren't exactly a saint yourself," Kendall retorted, looking him right in the eyes as he spoke. _

_Rolling his eyes, Logan spat, "Okay, Mr. Kendall Can-Do-No-Wrong Knight, be that way. I'll just take all the blame like I always do and leave you alone." He began to walk toward the door of the apartment when Kendall stopped him. _

"_I never said it was your fault, Logan! Why do you always jump to conclusions?"_

"_Because I don't want to get hurt!" Logan shouted back loudly. The room went silent, and Logan traded his outraged tone for a quiet, desperate voice. "I've been through so much bullshit in my life…. My first line of defense is to hurt someone before they hurt me. I guess…I feel that if I go ahead and voice my fears, they'll hurt less when I find out they are true or not."_

_Kendall watched as Logan quickly wiped away a tear, thinking through his words as he did so. He didn't want to lie, that would just keep the repetitive cycle of hurt and misunderstandings going, so he asked, "Where do you see us in the future, Logan? I'm being serious."_

_The other boy's eyes softened a bit as he took in Kendall's words. _

_Kendall continued, "I don't want Jo. I don't want anybody else. I want you. But we can't be together unless we fix this trust issue. I see us moving past this and being happy. What do you see?"_

_Suddenly plagued by a terrible image of Kendall walking out the door, Logan shakily said, "I see us…together."_

A loud gaggle of teenage kids whiz by him on their skateboards, completely at ease. Logan couldn't help but feel envious. It has been a long time since he was blessed with the feeling of completely ignorance and ecstasy. The ability to live inside a happy bubble and forget about the rest of the world. There was a time where Logan was blessed with that feeling on almost a daily basis. He remembered being convinced that out of everyone in the world, he was the happiest.

"_I love you, Logan."_

_Did Kendall really just say that? Logan wasn't sure. He was too busy trying not to float away into a blissful oblivion as Kendall leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. It wasn't their first kiss, but it felt different now. Like the last piece of the puzzle was finally put in its place, and they could finally admire the big picture. Kendall hands were on Logan's waist, holding the brunette to him gently. _

_Suddenly, Logan parted from Kendall's lips. _

_Before Kendall could say anything, Logan whispered shakily, "I love you too Kendall."_

_A radiant smile crept onto Kendall's lips. "Really?"_

"_Really. I've never been more sure of anything," Logan said gleefully, wrapping his arms around Kendall's neck. "I love you so much. I don't want to be with anybody else but you. Ever."_

_The two stood there intertwined, blinded by the exciting realization that they loved each other. Kendall couldn't hold back a happy bout of laughter. "We're in love, Logie!"_

_Logan pulled away so he could look into Kendall's eyes, the eyes that had for so long caused unparalleled joy and adoration within him. Holding both of Kendall's hands in his, Logan asked, "How in the world did I land such an amazing guy like you, huh?"_

"_I think I should be the one asking that question," Kendall grinned, planting a light peck on Logan's cheek. "I love you."_

_Without hesitation, Logan said, "I love you too."_

_Now this, Logan thought, was unquestionably heaven. _

Rounding the corner, Logan could see his destination in the distance. The ache in his chest grew more pronounced, but at the same time, he felt relief and solace. It was a strange combination to behold, but he was used to it.

The familiar gate was finally in reach, and Logan put his hand on the cold metal to push it open. Once he was inside its confines, the short walk down the pathway began. It's one of the things Logan knew most well, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

One of life's cruelest jokes is being stripped of the thing you hold most dear.

Eventually, Logan found what he was searching for. Looking down at the smooth marble, he tenderly ran his fingers across the top as he read the words he knew by heart. He felt the urge to cry, as he always did, but as always, it was as though his tear ducts had run dry.

Slowly, Logan lowered himself onto the soft grass, kneeling before the smooth marble stone.

"_No! No! No! He can't be dead!" Logan sobbed, his knees giving way. He would have fallen onto the ground if it weren't for James's arms catching him on his way down. A couple of feet away, Carlos watched his best friend coming apart with anxious, sad eyes. _

"_Kendall!" Logan shouted miserably into James's chest. "No…. He can't be dead, he isn't dead!" _

"_Logan," James said gently, holding Logan firmly against him in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. You heard what the doctor said. He had too much internal damage to survive the accident. In the end, his heart couldn't keep up and just gave out."_

_But Logan was past hearing him. All he could think about was Kendall's lifeless body, torn and mangled beyond repair, laying on the gurney. It couldn't be true. Kendall was the strongest person Logan knew. He couldn't have died from a car accident. Not at twenty one years old. It was too early. They were in love, they were going to get married and be together forever. He couldn't be dead.. _

_But he was. The cold, harsh reality that what was left of the boy he loved was nothing but an empty corpse, unseeing and unfeeling, hit Logan with such force it filled him with a crazed adrenaline. He refused to believe it. _

_Logan wrenched himself from James's hold, his eyes wild with grief. "Kendall isn't dead! You're all lying! I need to go see him!" He turned to sprint down the empty hospital hallway, but James and Carlos quickly took him by the arms, effectively holding him back. "Let me go!" Logan demanded, thrashing horribly. "I need to go see him! He isn't dead!"_

"_Logan, I'm so sorry," Carlos said, biting his lip to hold back tears of his own. "But Kendall is dead. He's gone, Logan."_

_Carlos's soothing voice turned Logan's knees into jelly once again. The amount of tears that fell from Logan's brown eyes threatened to drown him. At that point, Logan hoped they would. Instead, however, he let out one last choked sob and blacked out, the pain too much for him to take. A part of Logan had gone with Kendall out of this world, leaving the brunette with a void that nobody would ever be able to fill. _

"Hi Kendall," Logan whispered to the gravestone, his voice almost as quiet as the wind. In his head, he imagined Kendall's voice replying to him, whispering, _Hello Logan. _He'd give anything to hear Kendall's voice again. "I'm back."

Even after six months, Logan remembered how he felt in that hospital after learning Kendall had passed away. He remembered it like he remembered meeting Kendall, their first kiss, the night they made love for the very first time….

Nothing lasts forever. No lesson has ever had such an effect on Logan as this very simple one has.

The ache in his chest was all Logan had left. Because when Kendall died, he'd taken half of Logan with him, leaving behind a void that nothing in the world could ever hope to fill ever again.

He was the cool wind that had replaced the warmth. He was the lonely tree, drained of its leaves. He was the patch of dead flowers in an empty meadow. He was the yellowing grass, with no trace of the lively color he used to have.

"I miss you," Logan told the inanimate marble stone in front of him.

It's amazing how much could change in six months.

**A/N: What did you think? I think I may have rushed it a little, since I really wanted to post this before I went to bed. It's my first real try at a sad Kogan, not just angsty. Hope you liked it! **


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